A father reflects on how AI may be changing our children's attitudes toward uncertainty, and what that means for their lives and relationships.
Introduction: The New Era of Questioning The author recounts an experience where his 10-year-old son used an AI, Claude, to learn about black holes. While the AI provided patient and well-calibrated explanations, fostering genuine engagement and curiosity, the father also noticed a concerning shift: his son now seeks to resolve uncertainty much faster than before. The question, which once might have been pondered, is now something to be immediately resolved. This subtle but significant change prompts the author, a psychoanalyst, to consider the implications of children's altered relationship with 'not knowing' and the potential impact on their development. Losing productive friction Childhood development traditionally involves 'productive friction'—experiences like not knowing, waiting for answers, and struggling to figure things out without immediate resolution. These are crucial for developing tolerance for uncertainty, creative thinking, emotional regulation, and navigating life's ambiguities. The author provides an example of his son converting the anxious wait for a delayed package into a research problem with AI, transforming emotional endurance into a manageable task. This constant removal of uncertainty by AI, while efficient, is not neutral. Early research on adults suggests a correlation between heavy AI reliance and 'cognitive debt' and weaker critical thinking. Unlike smartphones, AI introduces an interactive, tirelessly responsive presence that fundamentally shapes a developing mind's expectations of itself. Learning by connecting Children learn about themselves through dynamic relationships with other minds, encountering understanding, misunderstanding, challenges, and limits. AI, however, simulates understanding without genuine subjectivity, which can be particularly confusing for children still developing the capacity to distinguish between real and artificial inner lives. The consistent responsiveness of AI, which adapts to a child's vocabulary and concerns, engages their attachment system, creating a feeling of being 'heard.' Surveys show a high percentage of teenagers use AI companions for serious discussions, sometimes preferring them over human friends. The American Psychological Association has warned that this simulated companionship could displace authentic developmental relationships, acting as a 'patch' for emotional needs rather than a structural solution, as AI cannot be genuinely 'moved' or held accountable in the way a human can. Missing accountability Children typically learn to navigate various sources of knowledge—parents, teachers, peers, books—each with distinct perspectives, limits, and accountability. This process is integral to developing a differentiated relationship with knowledge. AI, however, enters this landscape appearing highly knowledgeable and confident but lacks a stable point of view or accountability. When children seek advice on personal matters, AI might elaborate on their existing assumptions rather than challenging them, differing from human guidance. Research indicates that many children use AI chatbots for advice on schoolwork and personal issues, with a significant number expressing no reservations about following this advice. This raises concerns about how children will develop critical evaluation skills and a nuanced understanding of authority without human-like accountability. The conditions of childhood While acknowledging the genuine benefits AI brings, such as fostering wider curiosity and more sophisticated questions in his son, the author emphasizes that development encompasses not just access to knowledge but also the conditions under which a self forms. This includes the crucial experiences of not knowing, waiting, and struggling towards understanding without guaranteed immediate resolution. These 'inefficiencies' are vital for a mind to learn its capabilities and build tolerance for uncertainty. A child who can always rely on a patient, fluent, and endlessly available AI to resolve questions might gain knowledge but may not acquire the essential tolerance for uncertainty that makes that knowledge truly usable. The long-term implications of these profound changes in childhood conditions are still unfolding.
Introduction: The New Era of Questioning
The author recounts an experience where his 10-year-old son used an AI, Claude, to learn about black holes. While the AI provided patient and well-calibrated explanations, fostering genuine engagement and curiosity, the father also noticed a concerning shift: his son now seeks to resolve uncertainty much faster than before. The question, which once might have been pondered, is now something to be immediately resolved. This subtle but significant change prompts the author, a psychoanalyst, to consider the implications of children's altered relationship with 'not knowing' and the potential impact on their development.
Losing productive friction
Childhood development traditionally involves 'productive friction'—experiences like not knowing, waiting for answers, and struggling to figure things out without immediate resolution. These are crucial for developing tolerance for uncertainty, creative thinking, emotional regulation, and navigating life's ambiguities. The author provides an example of his son converting the anxious wait for a delayed package into a research problem with AI, transforming emotional endurance into a manageable task. This constant removal of uncertainty by AI, while efficient, is not neutral. Early research on adults suggests a correlation between heavy AI reliance and 'cognitive debt' and weaker critical thinking. Unlike smartphones, AI introduces an interactive, tirelessly responsive presence that fundamentally shapes a developing mind's expectations of itself.
Learning by connecting
Children learn about themselves through dynamic relationships with other minds, encountering understanding, misunderstanding, challenges, and limits. AI, however, simulates understanding without genuine subjectivity, which can be particularly confusing for children still developing the capacity to distinguish between real and artificial inner lives. The consistent responsiveness of AI, which adapts to a child's vocabulary and concerns, engages their attachment system, creating a feeling of being 'heard.' Surveys show a high percentage of teenagers use AI companions for serious discussions, sometimes preferring them over human friends. The American Psychological Association has warned that this simulated companionship could displace authentic developmental relationships, acting as a 'patch' for emotional needs rather than a structural solution, as AI cannot be genuinely 'moved' or held accountable in the way a human can.
Missing accountability
Children typically learn to navigate various sources of knowledge—parents, teachers, peers, books—each with distinct perspectives, limits, and accountability. This process is integral to developing a differentiated relationship with knowledge. AI, however, enters this landscape appearing highly knowledgeable and confident but lacks a stable point of view or accountability. When children seek advice on personal matters, AI might elaborate on their existing assumptions rather than challenging them, differing from human guidance. Research indicates that many children use AI chatbots for advice on schoolwork and personal issues, with a significant number expressing no reservations about following this advice. This raises concerns about how children will develop critical evaluation skills and a nuanced understanding of authority without human-like accountability.
The conditions of childhood
While acknowledging the genuine benefits AI brings, such as fostering wider curiosity and more sophisticated questions in his son, the author emphasizes that development encompasses not just access to knowledge but also the conditions under which a self forms. This includes the crucial experiences of not knowing, waiting, and struggling towards understanding without guaranteed immediate resolution. These 'inefficiencies' are vital for a mind to learn its capabilities and build tolerance for uncertainty. A child who can always rely on a patient, fluent, and endlessly available AI to resolve questions might gain knowledge but may not acquire the essential tolerance for uncertainty that makes that knowledge truly usable. The long-term implications of these profound changes in childhood conditions are still unfolding.
